Since January 2019
Here is some obvious truth we are all seeing, sorry If I'm sounding harsh.
You are gay, and you have some internalized homophobia. It's common that gays who are just figuring things out rationalize it by saying, "I'm only gay in this particular circumstance " or "I just love the way a guy looks sexually but I dont actually want to kiss him". We have seen this a million times, its up to you to accept what you are.
Straight people never talk like this, its gay people who cant accept themselves. My advice is to find an LGBT therapist and find a guy to cuddle with.
Yes, you are right! Deep down, I know that I've said those type of things to myself so many times. And I'm definitely guilty of having internalised homophobia, especially as I've exaggerated my more masculine traits in the past. I'm just scared of this becoming a reality; I'm just a coward, really. Thanks for your input!
Its not easy! Seriously, it isnt. But yes, you are gay. My advice is to take active steps to advance it. Yiu dont have to waltz into a gay bathhouse, but therapy and some physical intimacy is a way to start.
I di want to say that masculinity is NOT a thing to worry about. We are all men, who like men. A lot of gay guys decide they want to break other social norms and explore, but you do you. I like a lot of "manly" things ans have a deep voice, but not in everything. You are still just as much a man from being gay. Doesnt change who you are, it is who you've always been.
It's pure statistics. I am 50/50 bi. Lots more straight women then gay guys.
This is why I have a general rule about hookups, not to blame you.
I will send nudes, I will send myface, but never both at once.
All you can do qithkut forcing it is be open and gay and let him come forward with it
If it's been a serious 2 years, one of 2 things is happening.
Either he has mostly cut his family out of his life or he is not out and comfortable with himself
I would sit him down for a very serious conversation. Tell him you understand having feelings for someone who doesbt feel the same way back. But that what he did was seriously not ok, and that you lost some trust for him. If he blames his drinking for it, tell him he can no longer drink around you. But make it clear you will cut him off if he does it again.
It means not making excuses. You are young, and a large part of life is working on yourself. It isnt easy but dating only works when you can be happy and comfortable with yourself.
Let me tell you what I do. I workout every day and write down everything i am planning to eat ahead of time. Every day i reach out to someone and talk to them, twice a week I will invite someone to do something. Every day I spend 15 min cleaning, and a couple hours doing a favorite hobby. You have to be someone proud of themselves to date. Actually have worthy things to bring to the table. And yeah , that shit takes effort. If you sit on your ass smoking weed and playing videogames all day every day complaining, that's on you.
You can agree to be the peoples doormat and people will still complain you are lumpy. No matter what you do, whether it is your doing or not, people will be upset with you.
Mr. Rogers had many enemies. Bob Ross enjoyed his landscape paintings, but a large section of the artist community outwardly didnt like him. In my line of work in public service, I cant make everyone happy either. You have to give up that idea that you can be everyone's hero.